So my hope with telling parts one and two of this birth story were that when I got to this entry it may become easier for you to understand why we chose to have Kal delivered at home.  I know it is a growing trend in the United States, but it’s still pretty strange sounding to the majority of us.  And like I mentioned in the last entry, it honestly was the last thing on our minds.  ….Until.

One week in Jen’s birthing class we spent a portion of it discussing home birth.   And our narrow perspective of this was widened.  For instance, I learned about midwives and how qualified and experienced they are, as well as how their approach and training differed  from that of the OB doctor.  It started to make more sense to me.   I always had thought how out of place the maternity ward seemed in a hospital.  You go to a hospital when you are sick, have a condition, or generally something wrong with you.  I wasn’t sick, I didn’t have a “condition” and I didn’t feel like I should be viewed that way.  As I mentioned in my last post, I no longer wanted to be a victim of labor.  I wanted to allow my body to do the beautiful thing it was designed to do and trust in it’s abilities as well as trust in my baby, that he will know how and when to be born.  I started to really want to be surrounded only by people who viewed birth in this peaceful way.

As I sat there in that class, listening to Jen’s descriptions, my mind wandered and I started to think more about what I really wanted.  I wanted my body to be trusted by all not doubted. I wanted to be left to labor long without feeling like I needed to hurry it up or it being suggested that I need help getting things going. I didn’t want anyone to suggest drugs. I wanted to see what my body was capable of on its own.  I wanted a  room with calming lights and a familiar smell. I wanted to be able to eat whatever whenever and step outside if I thought it would help. I didn’t want to shower in a hospital shower, or use a hospital toilet. I wanted to be able to walk barefoot without worrying about how gross it was.  I didn’t want to be connected to any machines or IVs. I wanted everyone around me to be focused on me and helping me achieve peace in that moment-the moment that would likely make me more frightened than I have ever been. I didn’t want to be treated like I was sick because it would likely make me feel that way. I wanted to hold my baby the instant he came out. He was in me! I made that healthy perfect home for him, he would be perfect- I didn’t need him to be sterilized before I touched him.  And I wanted to be able to hold him for as long as I liked. And finally, I didn’t want to have to explain my desires to the staff when I got there and was already in the heaves of labor.

We finished up the class by watching a video of a home water birth.  I remember sitting there thinking to myself how perfect that all sounded to me.  And following that thought right up with, “forget about it-Paul will NEVER go for that.”  It would seem, however, that he felt something too. Strangely enough as we were pulling onto 270 on the drive home, Paul starts to approach the subject.  If I remember right, he started in as timidly as I would have.   I think he was worried I would shut it down, so his approach was a little bit of a “now hear me out” style.  Relief washed over me and we talked the whole way home realizing that we were eye to eye about how right it all felt.  I emailed Jen for references the next day.  I was 30 weeks at this point.  I thought I may be crazy for changing my birth plan so late in the game, but how could I not try when it was so right?  Jen sent me this link for area midwives: http://www.stlouismidwives.com/find-a-midwife   Allison and Dana were the only two I called that had openings.  I met with them that week.  I absolutely loved them both and had a really hard time choosing.  Since Allison was due with her second in September and I thought Dana’s medical background (she had years of experience as a nurse as well) would help calm friends and families concerns (when we would eventually decide to tell them), we chose to book with Dana.

My appointments with her were amazing.  She had her own office in Richmond Heights where Sophia and I would go.  She was an open book and I felt no rush, I was usually there for forty-five minutes.  Sophia was constantly telling her, “You take care of my mommy.  I love her very much.”  Dana smiled and got used to that instruction from my three year old.

Paul and I debated about not telling anyone we chose home birth until after Kal arrived.  We knew it would be impossible to explain to them all the reasons we came to the conclusions we did.  And we knew there would be some concern about our safety.  But I’m not a fan of lying, nor do I find it easy, so eventually the questions came and we answered them truthfully.  Family was supportive.  Some people were even excited for me. Some were concerned, but we assured them that we would go to the hospital if there were any signs of need (as our midwife would have instructed us as well).  I also let them know that my Doctor (I really was sad to leave her, but knew what I wanted couldn’t be achieved in her care), although she was concerned as well and unhappy to see me go, admitted to me that I was a perfect candidate for a home delivery.  We had some friends who seemed upset, annoyed, or confused.  Most were a little weirded out, but supportive and helpful.  A lot of times, I would be told a horror story of a friend of a friend who had delivered at home and had to be transferred to the hospital or had a scare with their baby or something awful.  Transfers happen about 10% of the time, but anyone I know who ever ended up being transferred was grateful they did as much as they could at home.  And thank goodness for modern medical intervention when we need it!

I wished I could have explained to them all the reasons we had made the choice we did.  They would learn it wasn’t on a whim, but was very well thought out and planned.  Here are some of the reasons I wanted to have a home verses hospital birth:

GBS

This became a major decider for me.  You see, I tested positive for Group Beta streptococcus with Sophia.  It is a bacteria that can occasionally decide to hang out in my lady parts and has a .5% chance of infecting the baby as they pass through (incidentally, 30% of those are preemies).  About 10-30% of women get it.  Because the test takes days to process, there is no way of knowing if it is colonizing the day I give birth.  So the hospital treatment of this in America is to deliver antibiotics in labor.  Since I tested positive once, I probably would have to have antibiotics in an IV for all of my deliveries (in a hospital).  I’m not a fan of antibiotics personally, but it wasn’t so much the effect on me.

I learned one week in Jen’s birthing class about the effect antibiotics have on babies and I nearly cried then and there.  You see, for the first 5 months of her life, Sophia was a screaming nightmare.  Nonstop, so loud.  We figured she had colic.  But she wasn’t having issues with acid reflux, she was having digestive issues.  She would scream just to poop the tiniest bit.  It was so incredibly painful for her.  Around month five, she started to adapt better, but it took a while to slowly go away (I credited introducing foods to her diet with this).  I had tried everything changing my diet, infant drops, gripe water… etc.  One day in class, Jen said that antibiotics during labor wipe out the babies good digestive bacteria and it is near impossible for them to replenish that, my heart sank.  To think that these agonizing months could have been avoided.  That my bond with my baby could have been sweeter rather than constant stress.  That this medical treatment had caused her that great pain.

Of course, having a baby infected with GBS could be far worse, but other countries, like England, use different methods of preventing transfer.  My midwife ended up putting me on a regimen of vitamins, probiotics, and herbs for weeks before my due date.  She encouraged me to avoid sugar, because bacteria feeds off of it.  Since the bag of waters protects the baby from any of my bacteria, in the event it should break during labor, we had some hibiclense on hand to administer every four hours topically.

Price

We were surprised to learn that a home birth was much more affordable.  They usually range between $1,500-3,000.  This struck home in a big way.  You see, I had maternity benefits through insurance with Sophia, but it capped at $2,500.  I didn’t know this, but if the hospital is running your bill through an insurance company, they charge more.  A ridiculous amount more.  We were young and entirely sticker shocked.  The bill for Sophia after our deductible was $11,000.  Eleven thousand dollars.  Silly as it is, I hadn’t switched companies.  We had collected more insurance coverage however, to the tune of $5,000, but decided we were only going to use that for my prenatal visits and pay cash with the hospital.  If you declare you will pay cash before the baby comes, we could get a two day stay for $3,000.  Three thousand out of pocket was way better than $11,000 out of pocket.  Until we heard about home birth.  (Guess what though!  Our insurance covered our home birth, so Kal cost us next to nothing compared to Sophia’s hospital birth!  Win win!)

Atmosphere

This to me was obvious.  I could labor on my couch, my bed, my toilet, my bath, my rug, where ever and not have to cringe at the unknown of all the chemicals or how many people have spit, bled, or peed on that surface.  The smell and lighting of hospitals does not relax me.  The beds are not comfortable.  In my home, I could dim the lights, have candles if I wanted.  Wear what I wanted, move anywhere I wanted, outside if I felt like it.  That sounded so good.

No stressful drive

It was a 20 minute drive to our hospital.  Not unlike the drive to Joplin from Neosho, but I was pretty sure this time, it wasn’t going to be a leisurely  Sunday morning jaunt.  In my mind, if my body figured out what to do and went into labor on its own, it was going to go fast.  Considering the relative quickness of labor after I got the epidural with Sophia, I just knew it was going to go even faster this time.  No thank you, I’d rather not have to worry about delivering a baby on the side of 64-40 at 3 in the morning.

Natural birth

By now, my confidence in my body had grown exponentially since before I had Sophia.  I’d spent the last three years thinking about how amazing it was when my body took over and heck!  -even with an epidural, I pushed that girl out in twenty minutes flat!  I was still crazy crazy scared, but I believed in myself.  I wanted to do a natural birth.  I didn’t want anyone around me making me doubt or suggesting drugs in crucial moments.  I wanted to experience that (dare I say) better than sex high that God only reserved for a laboring woman (to help her cope with crippling pain of course, but nonetheless).  For the longest time I had hated the “I gave birth naturally” club, now I wanted to join.

Perineum

Midwives are typically more patient.  Therefore, they are much better about helping to keep your perineum from tearing.  I had 5 stitches the first time which was again, not bad, but this time, I wanted to go slow and have my midwife apply counter pressure (something they do regularly) to keep me from tearing at all.

Labor positions

Midwifes are so laid back about what position you want to be in when you labor.  Sure, they may have their favorites, but ultimately I would be 100 percent supported should I decide to get in whatever position was feeling good, wherever I wanted.  I spent hours on my back with Sophia.  Guess what?  Turns out that is the absolute worst and hardest position to be in during labor.  Your uterus contracts forward.  Being on your back is fighting that direction.  Now that I was thinking about it, it made much more sense to me to squat or lean forward or anything else really.  Laboring on your back is only easy for the person catching the baby, and I was more concerned with my comfort (and the babies) not theirs.

Water

I was somewhat intrigued by water birth.  It sounded relaxing to be surrounded by hot water.  Most of all however, it sounded like the most gentle welcome for the baby I could imagine.  With a midwife, we could rent the tub, if I felt like laboring and delivering in it, I would.  And if so, my baby would come into the world in peace, no bright lights, loud noises, cold air, just warm familiar feeling water.

We were happy with the care we had found and felt very good about the decision we had made to switch to home birth.  Now the waiting game begins.

I’m getting closer!  Next time I will write about going “past due” and then it will be time to write about the birth.  I really hope this isn’t getting super old for any of you.  Thank you for your encouragement.  If this is helpful for someone great, I’m glad.  But actually writing this all down has been good for me as well.
Like always, feel free to shoot away with your comments.  If you have any questions I can’t answer, I’ll do my best to get them answered for you!

Addendum:

Helpful comparison of the midwife model verses the medical model http://www.morningstarbirth.com/index.cfm?event=pageview&contentPieceID=3225

And here’s a funny video with some great home birth jokes 🙂